It's their baseball year. All those years getting them into baseball and being able to be there for games, I wasted. Now that I work days and only get one saturday off each 6 weeks, we're actually going to sign them up for baseball. Genius, right?
Delaying the team sports means we really needed to get them caught up on the game. A last minute winter baseball camp was required and believe it or not, I got them signed up!
They needed batting helmets and new gloves for camp. The trip to Dicks sporting proved Dick is actually a prick who requires lots of monies for you to have good sporting gear. But that's ok because my routies (people who actually like me on my route) were very loving with their wallets for Christmas tips and overtime pays bank and Josh's new job actually pays him almost what he's worth with his mad installing skills.
While the boys were lovingly testing out glove grips and making sure their helmets were snuggly around their ears and winding bats to point in the direction of their next home run like Babe Ruth, I found myself in the cup aisle. Oh, the cup. The item that makes girls giggle and boys thank God that someone else is just as worried about their penis as they are. And lets not forget about moms who want grandkids one day and dads who know what a baseball or a toddler's headbutt to the junk feels like. The cup aisle, safety at it's finest.
I wondered why cups have to look so fancy. No one is going to see it. Yes, women have bras of every size and color. We have Hello Kitty playfully holding our boobies at optimum cleavage level. The straps have designs that make a shirt shoulder slip still good fashion. And it's actually a job requirement in a bra shop to be able to measure our mean tatas. But bra fashion statements also serve a HUGE purpose... we're women and cute sells to us.
But a neon green cup or a bright orange with a masterlock tech weave in a cup? In what sports movie did you ever get to the love scene and the woman is lusting after a guy in nothing but a high fashion cup? Uuuuuhhh no, the cup is not on in movies. Why? Because it's a cup. A penis shield. The blocker. And I really hope Bruce, the first baseman, is not in the locker room squealing and pointing saying "Omg, Dude! That cup is so badass!" with the wearer going "It was a BOGO dude, I got a steal plate finish one with racing stripes for free. I'll show you that one tomorrow."
The thought on bras brought me to my next conundrum. Women wear bras daily. Girls get training bras to get them used to having a line of skin in the middle of their back itch hourly. We wear bras so our boobs don't hang and hurt or bounce us to death when we run. So why are guys not wearing cups daily when the male genitalia is in just as much danger?? I understand bats and balls and a stolen base slide into someone else's cleat hurts, but you can't convince me that playing sports is any more dangerous than a boy having a brother. The daily "Ouch!" followed with a boy walking to his room holding his crotch while the other laughs his head off with a guilty look and a misused spatula in his hand is proof boys need to wear cups daily. We should start them in training cups as soon as they laugh at their first penis joke. We'll call them nut buddies and they can even have their own super hero force show after them.
You can do this, my men friends! You can take your young son by the hand, lead him through the cup aisle, calm his nervousness, buy his first cup, and then wait till he gets home from school after his first day of wearing it so he can tell you all about how jealous his friends are that he got his first cup. It's how us moms roll with our daughters and training bras. I don't have daughters but I know that was a proud moment with my mom. You dad's deserve that moment too.
You say the cup is useless most of the day? I have the chest of a 10 year old girl and I still have to wear a bra. FEEL MY PAIN! WEAR A DAILY CUP!
I leave you with a nut montage of boys being boys to further prove my point. :)
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