My "I don't give a crap weekend"

Some day I will take a weekend where I just don't give a crap about anything but me. Hear me out on this before judging, butthead. Judgey mcJudgerson...
It doesn't have to be a weekend. It just has to be 3 or more days.
I will go to the beach or to Bend and rent a small cabin. As for packing, I will bring with me 250$, my crafts, 3 books, a robe, a way to play dvd's without any interwebs connections, a pad of paper and pens, a cute summer dress, a pair of jeans, 4 tshirts, sweatpants, underwears, socks, and my converse. Will I need nice shoes for my nice dress? No, because it's my I don't give a crap weekend. Will I bring my wallet? Yes, but only bring it out for emergencies. I don't see me spending money on anything but food and a movie out.
In the mornings I will walk and take pictures. I will have no set destination and no designated time. If I feel like running, I will run. If I feel like exercising more I will. If I feel like talking to animals, strangers, skipping, hopping, singing out loud, or farting in public, I will. Because it's my I don't give a crap weekend.
For food, I will eat when I want, however much I want, and whatever I want. I will not care about calories or cost. I will not care if someone thinks I'm a pig or that I'm being picky. It's my I don't give a crap weekend.
My early afternoons will be filled with crafting and reading. I will wear my sweats or robe or nothing at all. I will hang half off the bed and read upsidedown. I will craft in the tub, outside in the trees or on the beach. Or at a table. I don't care because it's my I don't give a crap weekend.
My dinner will be at a public place where I can sit and watch people and wonder what their stories are and write one page moments of their life down just for the fun of it. I won't care if they catch me watching because it's my I don't give a crap weekend. I won't care if my waiter thinks I'm taking too long at their table, because it's my I don't give a crap weekend.
I will stay up till 1 am or later watching cartoons, girly movies, oprah, mysteries, and everything else that I can't watch at home because at least one person will walk in and give me that look of "wtf are you watching." and then make comments on me watching it later like I'm a 5 year old who should be ashamed of just being curious about whatever or loving suspense or loving cheesy crappy 90210 romance movies that make you cry because for a little while their half ass curve balls towards being happy make life look so damned easy. And even if someone were to find out I watched it, it would be ok because it's my I don't give a crap weekend.
If I want to change any of that up, I will, because I don't give a crap.
If I don't feel like talking to my family or friends, I won't feel bad. I know they love me and I love them and it's ok to just be MIA to the world for a little while. This isn't part of not giving a crap. This part is all about trusting your relationships.
For one weekend I won't worry about how I look, what I eat, who I talk to, where I go, what people think of me, what's happening at work or at home, or anyone else but me. Me. For one weekend, me. Not wife. Not mom. Not postal worker. Not friend. Not support. Not friggin wonder woman. Just me.
It will be like a clean slate for three days.
Does that make me a bad person?
My slate isn't bad. It doesn't need to be cleaned for me to be happy. But if I could shove it in a corner for 3 days and forget about it, ok.
It doesn't make me a bad mom. It doesn't make me a bad wife. I love my family. They're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Josh is a great dad. My boys are wonderful kids. They're fine without me and I trust them to be happy knowing I'm coming back refreshed and not anxious or rushed. They'll know I'll come back loving them even more than I did when I left.
But when I have a connection to the world I'm so insecure. Am I being a good enough wife? Am I screwing up my kids? Am I spending enough time with them? Could I be doing more? Will this person hate me if I tell them I have too much going on to help them also? Will they be upset if I just don't feel their "problem" is really even a problem and I just tell them to shutup? Will work be ok if I slow down just a little today? Will this person forgive me if I tell them I don't want to talk about their kids and I really just want to deliver their stupid mail? Will? Can I? Does he? What if?
If you're not insecure, you don't get it. I would love to be one of those people who didn't care what others thought of them. But I can't change that part of me. I won't let myself. Because that also means letting go of one of the parts I love most about myself: I care if a person is happy.
But three days of a break from that... I just want to cry thinking about it. Not sadness, but anxious just to have it.
Let me go somewhere where no one knows me. Where they'll forget I was even there. Let me hide away in a room and be lazy and not wonder what time I should get up because someone else will be home soon.
Let me not feel like a horrible person for being honest like this.